Why I Live Freely
I like to call myself a free spirit, and for the most part of my life, I think I've always done things my own way, and this is because I grew up with so much love, and a certain amount of freedom - good freedom, I'll say! Unlike typical African homes where you're forbidden to get into relationships - hence you have to hide to do what you want, or even sneak around, it wasn't same with me. My first relationship ever, happened in the university, and my mum knew about it, and even got to know him. I felt a sense of safety with that - like this person can't just play me because my mum knew about him. I may have been right in my thoughts, or wrong.
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| Image credit : All pro dad |
My mum taught me what was wrong, and what was right, and gave me the liberty to choose, and of course, I chose the good life - especially because there were so many expectations that I'll grow up being a disgrace to her since she let me do what I wanted. I was determined not to prove people with those expectations, right!
She also provided everything I wanted, and needed; and kept telling me about contentment when it was beginning to look like I wanted everything I liked. She made it clear how I could grow up being a thief if I'm not contented. I grew with the mindset that my mum will always give me anything - as long as she can afford it; and if she can't, I don't have to seek for it from places or from other people - especially men!
Now this has also helped my relationships! It's okay if I can't afford something, or if my man can't afford it. I just have to save up for it; and I don't have to ask someone else to do it for me. Also, I'm not moved nor easily impressed by anything!
I shared a little bit of my childhood story so you understand how our upbringing shapes us as we transition into adulthood!
To live freely means to spend your time in a state of joy, and contentment! You're not overly worried about the future because you trust that you can handle whatever it brings! You don't tie your happiness to anything nor say "I'll be happy when.....". No! You're just happy, living in the moment, and counting your blessings.
I want you to know that living freely, is not being nonchalant. It doesn't mean sit down, fold your hands, and expect a miracle. No, you have to do what you have to do, and hope for the best!
I stuck to living freely because I've seen how people live according to the opinions of others! People who tie their self-worth to what others think of them! People who live on others' validation, and approval. I've seen all these, and I didn't want to be that person!
I wanted to be a woman who do things on my time, and not society's time! A woman whose happiness, hobbies, and potentials aren't tied to age! I see people who try to 'act mature' to the detriment of their happiness, and they make friends who pressure them to live a certain way; but the question is "are you genuinely happy?".
I, Moxie, chose to live freely, and happily!
Society will tell you that at a certain age, you ought to have achieved certain things. I'm sorry, but who made those rules? God, or humans just like you and I? So many people don't even make it up to that age, so what's the fuss about?
I want to be remembered as someone who did what she wanted, and not what people wanted! I mean I'm fearless, and I've always loved the idea of not being what people expect me to be! Listen, if something makes me happy, or I like something, I don't care if it's for toddlers, or for old people, I'll go ahead and get that thing, or do it - as long as I'm not hurting someone else in the process!
Carrying the weight of people's opinions on your shoulders, will k!ll you slowly! It's like suffering and smiling, and I can't live like that.
Ignore age, and it'll ignore you! Choose only people who make you feel comfortable being yourself!
Here are 5 steps I take to live freely:
1. I let go of what I can't control
There are times I want things to go my way, but I realized that what that does, is disrupt my peace! I have this mindset that everything happens for a reason, and instead of trying to control a situation, I take it that whatever is happening, or happened, is for good, and it's okay if I can't figure it out at that moment! I have such a positive mindset.
Things won't always go like you planned, and that's life!
2. I accept that I can't do everything
As a perfectionist that I am, sometimes I have a list of things I want to achieve, and how I intend to achieve them; but I've learnt that what matters the most, is if I feel accomplished at the end of the day, and if I made a difference in my life or someone else's life.
There are no limits to what I can achieve; but I can only take them one step at a time because when I try to do so many things at once, I get overwhelmed, and probably frustrated; and I don't want that.
Focus on priorities.
3. Zero expectations
As someone who has been disappointed a couple of times, I learnt this the hard way! Expect nothing from people! Just because you love someone and treat them nicely, doesn't mean they'll return that love to you.
Just like I said in number 1, things won't always go like you planned.
It's kind of ridiculous to expect people to act a certain way. People will always behave how they want, and what you can do, is choose how to respond to their behavior, or take measures to make sure their behavior doesn't affect you.
If I want something, I'll ask! And if I want something to get done with specific results, I'll do it myself.
There are also times we expect things, and they don't come, and this is exactly why I have no expectations about anything, nor from anyone!
4. I worry less about people's opinion, and worry more about what I think of myself
Honestly, this has helped me live a more fulfilling life! I'm more interested in being proud of the human I am, than the accolades I'll get from people. People can perceive you as a certain kind of person based on what you show them; but only you truly know if you're that person.
I don't care about what people think of me - as long as I'm doing the right thing. I can't afford to live in the prison of other people's thoughts! When you lack self-confidence, you'll often see yourself relying on other people's validation to feel worthy. To me, this is weakness, and I'm too strong to be weak!
When you're self-assured, you're grounded, you're strong, and you can filter what you can tolerate from people.
Be honest to yourself.
5. I don't do comparisons
This should have come as number 1 because it's my biggest flex. I am not easily impressed, and I am a strong believer of TIME.
I get happy and celebrate with people when something good happens to/for them; but the last thing you'll ever hear from me is "I wish I was you". No! In Igbo we say, nwoke tochaa, o chere ibe ya meaning when a man grows, he will wait for his peers; and my mantra is "there is no first position in life!".
To me, it doesn't matter if you achieved something first because it doesn't mean that I won't get that thing too. It doesn't also matter if I achieved something first because it doesn't mean that you won't achieve that too.
I'm quite intentional with most things I do in my life, and I like to be sure that I'm ready before going into anything, and because I'm not easily impressed, I'll never jump into anything just because someone else did that same thing!
Well, here you have it, guys! These are steps I take to make sure I don't drop the key to my happiness in other people's hands. No one, and nothing should have that power. When you realize that you have things in life that you need, rather than what you want, life becomes less stressful and more peaceful.
Don't forget to laugh a lot, practice solitude, and spend time with positive people! Xo, Moxie
Have you read The Major Reason Why Love Fades?
