What It Means To Actually Listen To Someone (A Short Story)

I used to be friends with a guy - though we are not in touch now. 

One day, he said that he wanted to share something, and I said okay. He said he had an unhealthy relationship with his parents — his mum wanted him to marry a girl of her choice, but he loved someone else. Though he tried to resist it, but he couldn’t do much. He loved his mum, and he didn’t want to hurt her. He also shared that his childhood was bad — his mum had a love marriage with his dad, and few years after their marriage, his dad's behavior changed.

The relationship never flourished. Therefore, his mum was quite skeptical about this thing called ‘Love Marriage.’ She did not want her son to marry someone he loved just because she thought that it wouldn’t work well. The boy never had a good relationship with his father too because he always yelled at both him, and his mum.

Though he loved his mum, things were turning bad between the both of them, and he was trying hard to convince her that the girl was nice, but she wasn’t even ready to meet her. Also, he was forced to meet a new girl every other day. 

After he was done talking, I asked “Do you need any advice?” 

He replied, “no, I don’t”

He said that he thinks he can handle the issue by himself, and with time he would be able to convince his mum. 

What was the problem? 

The problem was that he didn’t have anyone to listen to him. Every one around him would judge him, or listen to him in order to advice something, but he didn't need that. He needed to vent. He wanted someone who could listen to him with an intent to listen, and to understand, not with an intent to reply. We hardly realize the importance of being a good listener, and I’m particularly guilty of this. I feel like I always have to fix people because I don’t want them hurting — hence I offer some unsolicited advice. But sometimes all a person wants, is to just talk, and have you not say anything.

If we step back, and visualize our behavior, we will see that most of us do not wait for the other person to complete their story, or statement before we jump into the conversation. We are either speaking or we are preparing to speak while we pretend to listen. We are busy assuming our thoughts while filtering everything through our mind’s eye. 

Most of the time it’s just the ears that do the listening; however empathetic listening involves listening with our eyes, and our heart. It intends to understand the person before seeking to be understood. The power of empathetic listening is often underestimated but as soon as we learn how important it is, we would never need a therapist or someone else to listen to our talks, dejection, and pains because you could heal or learn by listening to someone. Listening does heal if it’s done in a proper way! Be a good listener.

It makes the person who is speaking to you feel loved, cared for, and worthy of being heard. - Wayne Dyer 

Here are ways you can be an empathetic listener : 

1. Don’t judge 

In as much as you may have the urge to share your opinion, or want to cut the person short, don’t do it. Putting yourself in their shoes while they talk, helps you to help them. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to agree with all they said; but it means you care, and understand their perspective. 

2. Don’t be afraid of silence 

If you really did understand all they said, then tell them you understand, and if they want your opinion or advice, they’ll definitely ask you for it. Don’t offer it first. 

3. Show that you are really listening 

Truth is that a person can really tell when you’re listening to them, interested in what they’re saying, and when you’re not. They also know when you’re just listening to reply. They can tell this from your body language, or tone of voice. 

If you really want to be a good listener, then you have to let go of every distraction, and genuinely show interest in what they’re saying. I hope this helps you be a better listener. 

Have you ever felt unheard before? 

P.S, here is something I learned today, ‘Dejection’ which means ‘Sorrow’ or ‘Depression’.

Have you read Important Things To Know Before You Turn 25

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